Though I tend to have good gut instincts, I have terrible
quick judgments. Some of my best friends are people who, at first impression, I
thought I would not like. So I’ve had to have frank discussions with myself when snap judgments cloud my view. One of those discussions took place many years ago that is
relevant to the idea of gay marriage.
We belonged to a rather progressive Conservative Synagogue
that had several very active Lesbian members. One Shabbat a soon-to-be-married
straight couple was being honored at the bema where they were given a blessing
and the congregation tossed candy to signify a sweet life up at them. My
children were pre-teens and I wondered to myself how I would feel if the congregation
agreed to do something similar for a gay couple. My immediate reaction was that
I would not be happy. I had to ask myself why. I didn’t believe that
homosexuality was wrong, just a different lifestyle due to their inner sexual
preference. I decided that I would feel uncomfortable seeing the kind of loving
looks and affection the young couple in front of me was showing right now.
This was the 1990s and seeing gay couples acting like
couples in public was still rare and those who did were usually overly in
everyone’s face, probably to make a point, just as our generation did when
trying to advocate for free love in the 60s. However, I had to ask myself
something, ‘Why did my feeling uncomfortable trump the rights of others?’ I concluded to myself that if the congregation
should choose to honor gay relationships, then I would deal with my feelings
and not let it affect another couple’s happiness.
As time has passed and media and everyday exposure to more
committed gay couples has been the norm, I no longer feel uncomfortable about
celebrating commitment and/or marriage between same sex couples. In fact I
embrace the idea that we need more committed relationships between consisting adults
no matter what form it takes.
You may ask me how this strengthens straight marriages and family
values. Think about it, when people commit to a relationship with someone, everything
changes. Value is placed on supporting each other, making a home together and
eventually starting a family. They change how they spend their time, money and their
priorities. More family (and pet) friendly options are needed, more financial
support for issues affecting family life and more thoughtful decisions are made
by voters and people seem to make more responsible decisions in their public
and private lives. Churches, Synagogues and other places of worship grow in
numbers, more money is spent locally which grows our economy and neighborhoods
abound in the laughter of children, bringing out a sense of community. All
these things are good for America and for stable families, both gay and
straight.
Even if you are bound by your religious believes to see
homosexuality as sinful, as you also might view those who follow other
religions or non-believers, you might want to accept that allowing marriage
equality will benefit your family in that there will be more emphasis on values
geared towards strong adult relationships, child centered communities and, possibly
less proliferation of other sinful acts, more commonly agreed upon as wrong by mankind
as a whole: crime, dishonesty, child abuse, hate, disrespect for others, meanness,
etc.
